


Mamihlapinatapai

by orphan_account



Category: Polygon/McElroy Vlogs & Podcasts RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 01:02:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20201152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A wordless, yet meaningful look between two people who both desire to initiate something, but both are too scared to initiate themselves.





	Mamihlapinatapai

**Author's Note:**

> yes this was written while i listened to Pink In The Night. Sue me.

When he had first met Brian, there had been only fear. He was used to kids like him; they were all loud and brash and would step into his life and leave in a whirlwind that would take months to fix. They were cruel and they hurt others with no consequences because they could get away with it. He had to protect himself from getting hurt again, was ready to brush him off and hide in the corner of the party, but then Brian was smiling and holding his hand out. 

“Hi, I’m Brian David Gilbert.” and against his better judgement, Jonah took his hand, smiled back, and jumped feet first into the deep end of whatever this was going to turn into. 

~~

They had formed a band together, recording in their dorm together, guitar strummed softly as Jonah tried not to make eye contact. Sweet, soft songs that he wrote just for Brian. Lyrics that he had bled onto the paper, pouring like honey from Brian’s mouth. They were best friends. They were roommates. They were everything but what Jonah wanted. They were everything but lovers, and it killed him. 

~~

When he kissed other people, all he could think about was Brian. About how Brian would hold him and whisper to him and sing to him and make him feel loved. He couldn’t touch others without thinking of Brian. His fingers bled when he played the guitar now, when Brian was away and he couldn’t stop thinking. It hurt less than the alcohol, and it kept him useful. He wanted to be useful to Brian. 

~~

Making eye contact with Brian took his breath away. They would meet eyes, they would breathe each other in, they would be so close to… something. Neither of them knew what it was they would do, if they touched. But it was terrifying. It was dangerous. So instead they placed instruments between each other and sang to each other and never mentioned it, just in case the other wasn’t really there. Just in case it was all a dream. 

~~

When Brian finally kissed him, Jonah cried himself to sleep. Brian kissed him and kissed him and told him he was leaving. They ended up moving to New York together. They didn’t kiss again, and Jonah wondered if maybe he had done it wrong. 

~~

They tried again. Kissing, touching, kissing, touching. A cycle of soft lips and soft hands and trying again and again until they got it right. Until Jonah made breakfast and kissed Brian goodbye and knew he was coming back. They got it right.


End file.
